Dwelling places: Rejoicing Roots (pt II)
Hello Friends!
Are you doing okay? How is your fall or wintry season been so far? What are you noticing in your life of staying with what God is doing in you or through you?
After writing last month’s posting on Finding Your Roots, I began pondering the path forward. In my plan to share the second half of what was shared at the retreat (I will include this) I have shifted and find myself drawn to share some of my present life with God. He has been encouraging me to not only share some on listening and silence but also to draw attention to the vitality of “rejoicing” in the midst of the hard things we encounter in our daily life. The hard things:
Relationships
Finances
Pressures of success
Job and/or School
Parenting etc.
Toiling through these challenges some days feels like the experiences and expressions in Ecclesiastes 3. It’s like the changing of seasons with their back and forth movements, but all in a single day, much like our weather in the Southwest’s high desert of Albuquerque.
A late fall morning begins with the sun shining in all its brilliance while the temperature outside is in the 30s. Brr! The morning commute to work calls for the seat warmers and heat to be on high, or if working from home the fireplace is lit for warmth, but by noon we begin shedding some of our clothing layers. We may take a walk enjoying the sun’s rays and watching the billowing clouds forming and moving. It's lovely! We then head back inside for a bit more to do, and there’s that moment when you gaze out the window and see snow falling from the sky. We say oh wow, where did this come from? I was just outside. A few hours later you imagine walking to your car anticipating snow on the roads for your drive home, but the sun has already melted the signs of snow. The sun's out in its full brilliance and the temperature is now in the high 60s. You’ve put your gloves and coat back on for the drive home only to find yourself overheating, turning on the air conditioner, peeling your layers off to get comfortable, and wondering what season am I in? Is it still summer, fall, or winter? A slight moment of confusion hits you much like the emotions of the day as we navigate each challenge.
Fall in the high desert often resembles the emotions when reading through Ecclesiastes 3:
“a time to weep and a time to laugh; to mourn and to dance, to cast away stones and to gather stones, to keep silent and a time to speak”
These up and down emotions (in our day or season of life) can keep us guessing and feeling off kilter, uncertain how to navigate each situation and hold on to the rejoicing.
Solomon’s words give some light for us to consider, he writes “I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live…take pleasure in all his toil–this is God’s gift to man.” Eccl. 3:12-13
Maybe there is an invitation to sit with these words and seek the Lord. Please, feel free to take a moment to pause and listen before reading on.
Ask God honestly and earnestly, how do I walk this life with rejoicing when the days are faced with hard things?
We often hear it is through gratitude. Look at your blessings and this is beautiful and true yet I know there are times where even finding “blessings” feel absent or are even impossible to see amongst the pain and fog. A fog so thick you can’t see the white painted line on the roads edge to keep you on the road.
So here is an offering for us from God:
Being that we are in the season of Advent meaning “waiting” “coming”—we find in Isaiah the promise of the Birth and Reign of the Prince of Peace; Jesus. (I invite you to read through the full passage Is. 9:1-7):
“You O God will multiply their joy; They will rejoice before You Like the joy and jubilation of the harvest, (Is. 9:3)…”For to us a Child shall be born, to us a Son shall be given…and His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace” (9:6)
I find great encouragement that it is God doing the multiplying of joy and by giving us Himself. In the hard things of life, we are ‘doing’ yet we don’t have to muster up joy —for in Him we are given joy. God does the work as we rest, trust, lean in, wait, sit with, wonder, just be, let Him love us.
dwelling places: rejoicing roots (pt II)
But God. Right?
What I didn’t recognize then but have learned
is that God is in the Silence.
He was waiting for me to stop talking and to listen.
Listen when being with Him.
The settling in to listen conversation went something like this:
(me) “You mean God, I don’t have to conjure up words to say to You.”
(my thoughts) But that’s not prayer. That’s being lost. Falling away. But, I’m not forsaking you (God) and I know You promise to not leave me. But, I’m struggling to find words. “God, please help me understand this silence.”
These were some of the thoughts during this time, I say thoughts because they surely weren’t the prayers I was used to or raised to pray.
I know this may sound completely crazy. Right? And I’m okay with still trying to articulate this experience.
But God.
He began to speak to me while I could only listen because I no longer had anything left in me to say. I felt emptied.
And I’m a pretty quiet person already so this felt incredibly strange and confusing.
Our loving God. He had more to say now that I was only able to listen.
God and I began this new journey in the night with my tears. We continued it: on the side of the road while having panic attacks, on walks in the Bosque, in the wide open spaces and standing at the rivers edge, and sometimes in my backyard garden under the trees while listening to the birds.
I was beginning to hear Him say, “You are my precious child, My daughter, just as much now as when you were young, and enjoying life.”
Oh what relief was coming. A love touch from my God.
Quiet. And Silence. This is beautiful for us.
And my response, Wow! This is okay God!
Silence and solitude, with You. What a gift, I had no idea I had.
Something new in my relationship with God was beginning. When reading Scriptures, I began to just listen, not study, but slowly read a few verses and sit in silence, waiting and listening to hear a glimpse of God’s gentle voice. A voice of words from Him not me.
Much of our time together was in the Psalms. He led me to listen to His voice within these pages.
A little while into this, God brought a dear friend, a spiritual director into my life. She and I would sit together in silence after a slow reading of a verse from Scripture. This time together in companionship just listening to God’s voice became so powerful– in healing, and seeing God’s love for me. This, then led me on a path of learning about spiritual direction, which invites spiritual practices and spiritual formation. One feature of this journey required me to notice all the ways in which my life with God has been formed (from childhood, in my teens, as an early adult, marriage, and raising children, teaching other children…) A deepening gratefulness for my parents, my church communities, friendships, and most of all an understanding of the struggles and trials that have all been part of my spiritual life journey, the renewing, forming and transformational life with God.
Rejoicing Roots, that began with and from a Rejoicing in Christ first and foremost!
Rejoicing in the roots of God’s Word, and flesh, His Son, Jesus—redemptive love.
Rejoicing in the roots of my family’s faith not only passed down but living.
I wasn’t naive to this or ignorant, I guess the best description is that there was so much noise and distractions in my mind, heart, and body that I felt strangely lost when no words could form in my prayers.
It is through this challenging time and experience that I have come to say that God’s Amazing Grace is both for me— being lost and knowing I am found. Lost and found all in the same Breath, the same Hands, the same Spirit which is God, Himself.