Dwelling places: Writings by the Pond
Dear Friends,
How is your fall season so far? For us in New Mexico our mornings are cooling, leaves are slowly changing color, and surprising rains have come. Life changes much like the seasons. We can be certain our Creator has lovingly made this so for us —so we may learn to dwell in and dwell with HIM where joy and sorrow meet.
Have you ever noticed where joy and sorrow are meeting in your times of grieving?
Grief, grieving, lament, suffering and joy “full” life.
As I walk the usual path of my local park there’s a tug inside calling me to sit by the pond. Gaze. Reflect. Be with God.
While sitting and gazing out at the ducks and geese, the water fountain bubbling, the epiphany of today targets my finger to my phone to write by the pond—these glowing reflections on grieving that keep surfacing:
Detach from the dead branches of grief, this is my epiphany today which came out of my own personal spiritual direction session. God had already been revealing and transforming this reality in my life. But it has taken a long journey to come to this new dwelling with God. That I can begin to grow new branches and fruit from the intense years of grieving in my life. To share in the healings of others facing the streams of grief or a lamenting that’s just beginning from a fresh loss.
John 15 gently touched my soul, mind and body today. To see with new eyes the pains of loss and grief as fruit bearing and life giving in the midst of new things forming and to offer others a deep lasting hope that God dwells with us in every stage, pace, and the unexpected presences of grief as they appear. If you know grief, it hits you sometimes without preparation even though you know the month of loss is approaching. There are smells, flavors, songs, places, names…these carry us or hit us and call us into a place of grief. This is beautiful, good for us, and true—healing!
“Remain in Me, and I in you”
John 15:4 “Live in Me (Jesus). Make your home in Me just as I do in you. In the same way that a branch can’t bear grapes by itself but only by being joined to the Vine, you can’t bear fruit unless you are joined with me.
5-8 “I am the Vine, you are the branches. When you’re joined with me and I with you, the relation intimate and organic, the harvest is sure to be abundant.”
If and when you are in grief seasons, may you and I look for fruit and life.
Another reflection: Uncle Mark
Just over a month ago, our family had a very unexpected loss of our uncle Mark. We didn’t know this was coming and even how we each would handle the news or walk through this loss. We have done this before but differently. This time God truly and beautifully placed His hand upon each of us. We all decided we would be with him and as long as the final days of his life would be. He had a shower of strokes and was lying in the hospital brain non-cognitive and non responsive except for breathing on his own, heart and pulse going strong. We didn’t know how many days or moments we would have with him. Our children and Brian and I decided we’d rotate throughout each day to be with him. The first night Isaiah and I met up at the hospital. Isaiah brought a Lord of the Rings book because Mark loved reading and particularly Lord of Rings. I stood holding Mark’s hand while listening to Isaiah read this beautiful passage of withering and healing and being released. My daughter wrote poetry and brought orchids to the room earlier that day. She asked me to read a poem from John O”Donahue so I did for her.
We read and cried —grieving. But what life also was taking place in us. Joy and sorrow meeting.
The next evening my youngest son, his wife and Sutherland sat at Mark’s beside playing music that he loved, Elvis Costello. There we told stories of Mark and how he loved music and food and wine. Again joy and sorrow meeting in our grieving.
There are more things that took place but I won’t carry on. We are planning uncle Mark’s 70th birthday coming up in November, by having a 49ers football party on game night.
These are the unexpected yet beautiful ways God has been revealing fruit in times of grief. Helping me to heal and carry on in His love and with others who may be grieving. There is much God is doing, the Spirit is at work though often unseen, and there is abundant life giving space for God in our grief. You and I are not alone.
Recommended resources for Grieving
The Soul of Desire: Discovering the Neuroscience of Longing, Beauty, and Community by Curt Thompson, MD
Ch 4 speaks to Trauma and Shame: A People of Grief but the whole entire book is a gem of revealing and healing.
Faith, Hope, and Carnage by Nick Cave and Sean O’Hagan (Faith, Hope and Carnage is a meditation on faith, art, music, freedom, grief and love.) ”it is a profoundly thoughtful exploration, in Cave’s own words, of what really drives his life and creativity.” Note: This read is not by a Christian author, but one who is seeking, and holding on to hope and faith in the midst of grieving who offers authenticity. If you have had a tragic loss or losses you and I can find comfort and healing in hearing another’s story.
After Suicide: There’s Hope For Them and For You by Chris Alar, MIC
